There were a lot of things happened last month. I embraced my greatest fear: game. I didn’t resist it this time. I let it took full control over me while I was observing it. I thought maybe I was running away from it in the past, that’s why it always comes back and chases me […]


I think this is the most intense struggling I’ve encountered. It didn’t happen for a few days. It has been extending for a few months. I don’t know if this is the end. Yesterday, I listened to the AoM podcast and then later read The Primal Method: A book for emerging man. There were a […]

6 Degree

It was 5:34 when I walked outside, or that number just somehow crept into my mind without any possible validity. It was really cold, and I started to think that I should get back inside. But I kept going. Arrived at the park, there was this familiar sense of awakening, but still I was stagnant. […]


Well, I must say the relationship I just involved is quite drastic. It burned too fast within one month. I think we both know that we don’t want to continue anymore. I’m not sad. It just has to end, and fortunately, it ended in peace. I think I can feel there was something wrong with […]

Here I am home

Home again. I need to be. It’s been two week since I dated her. After the initial stage, I am now ready to settle in a more stable stage. I’ve changed the course of my future. Leaving physics behind, I now pursue Computer Science. This seems to resolve my inner conflict for so long. Would […]

Astray. Bottom Line

It has been three months since the morning routine kicked off. I succeeded for half of the time. Lately, I just couldn’t wake up early anymore. Though I know it’s all in my head but I can’t get over my head. No more motivation, no more willpower. I have bigger underlying problem to resolve. My […]


I’ve been letting myself get distracted. This cycle is almost complete another revolution. I only have a few days left to write my research paper. I cannot let him down this time. Think about what it feels like when I should have my own research paper? I need, really, to finish this. It’s an important […]


I need to have few alternative sequences of habits in my pocket. Am I a robot now? No. I just let these habits guide my day, so I can totally focus on the things I should do on each chunk of time.These is a sense of unease on my machine. Maybe I installed too much […]

Invisible Enemy

After a period of seemingly successful, I failed to the abyss again. Very deep this time. It’s been growing lately. I can’t recognize what it is this time. It disguises itself as procrastination and distraction, but I think it is something more than that. Something that I haven’t encountered before. Or I am just delusional? […]

State of Mind

I found that the body is not that matter. It’s all in our mind. Sleep or not, doesn’t matter. It’s the state of mind. I’m moving toward the end of this semester. What is the motivation that I need to finish this one strong? Do I need one? I do. Or I was wrong. The […]