Well, I must say the relationship I just involved is quite drastic. It burned too fast within one month. I think we both know that we don’t want to continue anymore. I’m not sad. It just has to end, and fortunately, it ended in peace. I think I can feel there was something wrong with […]

Here I am home

Home again. I need to be. It’s been two week since I dated her. After the initial stage, I am now ready to settle in a more stable stage. I’ve changed the course of my future. Leaving physics behind, I now pursue Computer Science. This seems to resolve my inner conflict for so long. Would […]

Astray. Bottom Line

It has been three months since the morning routine kicked off. I succeeded for half of the time. Lately, I just couldn’t wake up early anymore. Though I know it’s all in my head but I can’t get over my head. No more motivation, no more willpower. I have bigger underlying problem to resolve. My […]


I’ve been letting myself get distracted. This cycle is almost complete another revolution. I only have a few days left to write my research paper. I cannot let him down this time. Think about what it feels like when I should have my own research paper? I need, really, to finish this. It’s an important […]


I need to have few alternative sequences of habits in my pocket. Am I a robot now? No. I just let these habits guide my day, so I can totally focus on the things I should do on each chunk of time.These is a sense of unease on my machine. Maybe I installed too much […]

Invisible Enemy

After a period of seemingly successful, I failed to the abyss again. Very deep this time. It’s been growing lately. I can’t recognize what it is this time. It disguises itself as procrastination and distraction, but I think it is something more than that. Something that I haven’t encountered before. Or I am just delusional? […]

State of Mind

I found that the body is not that matter. It’s all in our mind. Sleep or not, doesn’t matter. It’s the state of mind. I’m moving toward the end of this semester. What is the motivation that I need to finish this one strong? Do I need one? I do. Or I was wrong. The […]

Your Decision

I’ve been falling back to that abyss, slowly and in the deadliest way. So it lasted roughly a month. This is not quite a disappointing result but I didn’t accomplish much during that time. I need an alternative pattern or figure out a way to optimize this routine. I know there is something missing. I […]

Trial and Error

A month passed by, I was holding on strong but in incident happened, I barely live. Just about 2 days ago when I was in the middle of my fasting experiment, I had an acute and periodic pain running through my lat and rib cage. It felt like I couldn’t breathe for some moments that […]


My routine wobbles. This alternative pattern between success and failure has been occurring a few days. But actually, they’re all failure. I can’t study anything even when I wake up early. Every time I have sex, it will definitely screw up my rhythm and routine. I can no longer allow it to happen. Plus, she […]